My Health

Without being too specific, I've been having health issues for a while.

For the past 12 years or so, I've had digestive issues, being in and out of rather severe stomach pain. I am directly sympathetic with Kurt Cobain although I've never indulged in hard drugs. Within the last couple of years, after figuring out my ADHD and depression, my stomach issues have essentially completely went away and it is amazing.

Years of increasingly worse acid reflux has caused some other damage and doctors haven't been able to figure out what is going on exactly.

I think whatever is going on has impacted various glands and caused my mood and emotions to get wacky. I have been unnecessarily rude to various people that didn't deserve it but also rude to some people that probably did. It's awkward.

Some of those people I've been rude to I think were genuinely trying to help me and I've pushed them away. I do wish they would have just talked with me straight up though. I'm unsure what to do about that. I see fault on both ends.

I've made some objectively really poor decisions in the last couple of years. In the past, I would be so hard on myself about it that I would shut down but I've beaten my depression well enough that I'm not allowing that to happen again. I also can feel the waviness of my physical health go up and down which is a root cause of many of these poor decisions. I'm unsure how much of an excuse I am making but there is certainly truth to it.

I see a potentially amazing life ahead of me if I can get my health finally figured out and gain traction with my meta theory or philosophy.

I'm never going to give up.

I have an appointment tomorrow morning to hear results of some tests. I hope they found something.

I need all the support I can find.

I am a highly flawed individual but the potential of what I can accomplish I see to be immeasurable.

There is so much good I want to do and contribute to the world.